h8 me, h8 u

Sharon Osbourne once said,

”Why’d they have to find it in my bum, of all places? It’s embarrassing. I mean, why couldn’t I have had a cute heart-shaped polyp on my vagina?”

duh!

how do we get N. Korea to go to war with Iran? They can nuke each other, then that’s 2 less problems for the US to deal with.

You give it what you got, and you get booted out the door for opening your mouth. Or they wait until you can't take it anymore so you can throw in the towel.

the other day I got dumped via Skype. That’s almost as insulting as getting a marriage proposal via text message, I think. To add to that, I was, for a second, almost convinced that this person was different than the type I normally date, or have dated. Because I’m never dating again.

I guess the lesson I need to suck up and learn now is that being relentlessly committed and devoted is foolish. Don’t put your eggs in one basket.

Now I need to go look for a job I don’t need to love and figure out how not to be bored while keeping my distance from everyone

I sound so jaded.

idiot idiot idiot

should have ran ran ran a long long long time ago

How Men Interpret The Following

1. Keep the lines of communication open. If you don’t know how to express your feelings and/or have poor listening skills, learn to get better at both. You can read a book, take a class, or get into counseling. Good communication requires both the ability to express and listen.“MAKE A COMMENT IN HER FAVOR TO EVERYTHING SHE SAYS WHILE SPEAKING ABOUT SOMETHING BAD THAT HAPPENED TO HER, REGARDLESS OF IF YOU’RE INTERRUPTING HER OR FORBIDDING HER FROM FINISHING HER SENTENCES” or “TELL HER WHEN SHE STARTS PUTTING ON THE POUNDS THAT SHE’S GETTING “CHUNKY” OR IF DURING SEX HER VAGINA SMELLS FUNNY”
2. Don’t sweep your fights under the rug and think they’ll magically resolve themselves. Do your best to resolve your first argument as soon as it arises so you won’t have the same argument for the next 50 years, in different forms.“TELL HER SHE WAS WRONG AND ARGUE YOUR POINT UNTIL SHE APOLOGIZES AND/OR CRIES” OR “TELL HER YOU’RE SORRY AND THAT IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN AND MAKE AN IMPASSIONED SPEECH STATING THIS AS IF IT WERE A SCENE STRAIGHT OUT OF A DRAMATIC FILM UNTIL SHE’S WILLING TO LET YOU HOLD HER AND SUBMIT TO MAKE-UP SEX”
3. Remember that you love your partner; therefore, you want the best for her/him. Give her/him the benefit of the doubt when you feel angry, hurt, or disappointed. Talk to your partner; don’t make assumptions.“WHEN SHE IS CONSIDERING TAKING THAT DREAM-JOB OFFER 3000 MILES AWAY BE ENTHUSIASTIC AND EXCITED EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF GETTING OFF YOUR LAZY ASS TO MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR THE RELATIONSHIP” OR “UNLIKE YOU SHE DOES NOT ENGAGE IN MISCHIEVOUS RELATIONSHIP BEHAVIORS SUCH AS CHEATING, LYING, OR FLIRTING, BUT SINCE YOU ENGAGE IN ALL THREE, YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO SPEAK AND IN ORDER TO CONTINUE TO ENGAGE IN SAID BEHAVIORS WITHOUT GUILT OR BURDEN, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.”

4. Don’t take your partner for granted. Tell your partner every day something you appreciate about her/him and how grateful you are to have them in your life.“SHE DOES NOT REALISTICALLY NEED THIS AFFIRMATION. WAKING UP NEXT TO ME SHOULD BE ENOUGH” OR “SAY THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING FROM HAVING BREAKFAST WITH ME, TO HAVING LUNCH WITH ME, TO HAVING DINNER WITH ME, TO MAKING DINNER FOR ME, TO WATCHING TV WITH ME, TO BEING HER. I. MEAN. EVERYTHING.”

5. Your partner should never feel like your enemy. If they do, something is wrong; remember that you fell in love with this person. If there’s so much anger that you feel like you are enemies, get help somewhere as quickly as possible.“SEEK COUPLES THERAPY WHENEVER SHE WON’T PUT A TRIVIAL MATTER TO REST. JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH IT HELPED HEIDI AND SPENCER” OR “TEXT ALL OF YOUR BROS AND PUT THEM ON HIGH ALERT IN CASE ANGER NEGOTIATIONS GO BADLY AND SHE THROWS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE.” OR “BEGIN CORROBORATING A CONSISTENT AND SOLID STORY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN CASE SHE TAKES IT ONTO MAURY, MONTEL, JERRY SPRINGER, SALLY, OR TYRA.
6. Gauge your relationship. Notice and don’t ignore the warning signs if you’re not talking, you’re less affectionate, you’re fighting all the time, and you’re not happy. The sooner you acknowledge you’re having problems, the sooner you can begin to solve them.“THE SECOND YOUR FRIENDS START PRESSURING YOU OUT, GET OUT.”

7. Always remember that you have the power to change behaviors in your relationship through different tools of self-discovery. You don’t have to stay stuck in unhealthy ruts.“JOIN AN EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM SUCH AS LANDMARK” OR “EXPERIMENT WITH BEING GAY” OR “PUT THE RELATIONSHIP ON A BREAK AND SLEEP AROUND A LOT”